Being a new mom is not always easy. Your body is different, your life is changing, and there are so many expectations for new moms to keep up with. This week for some reason especially I have seen a lot of new mamas or just moms in general seem to be struggling more. I’m not sure if it’s because of the holidays, the pandemic, or just life in general but this past week has been tough.

I’m writing this as much for myself as I am for you guys. I have had a rough week, I feel like everything that could have gone wrong this week has. I’ve also seen a lot of other moms having a tough week. I’m part of a few facebook groups for moms and I have a few new mom friends and it seems like everyone is just going through it these last few weeks. I keep seeing moms in the facebook groups looking for people to relate to their struggles and you can tell just by the way they word their questions that so many of them are feeling guilty for even asking their questions. I can tell that they are at their wits end just trying to do their best, and I can totally relate.

Sometimes I need an excuse to just chill out and give myself a little bit of credit for making it through the week, so I decided to make a list of all the reasons I should cut myself some slack, and maybe you should too.

We’re still in a pandemic

This year has been chaotic. We have all had to adjust our lives, whether that means that we stay home a lot more, wear masks, homeschool our kids, work from home, and so on. So throw in there being a mom and having to do all of those things at once, I’m not even sure that chaotic is enough of a word to cover it. I think this is probably the biggest reason to cut yourself some slack. There has never been a year like this and there probably won’t ever be again. As long as whatever you’re doing is getting you through this time, keep doing it!

You’re still learning to be a mom

This could be you’re still learning to be a mom of one, you’re still learning to be a mom of two, etc. I knew that there would be an adjustment period and a lot of time needed to learn to be the mom that I want to be, but maybe I didn’t give myself enough time and I feel like that’s happening with a lot of other new moms too. Whether you just had your first baby or you’re on your second, third, etc baby, there will always be a lot of time needed to learn how to be a mom to your baby or babies. You’ll also continue to learn and grow and change as you become a mom to a one year old or a two year old, and so on. You’ll be learning as long as you’re a mom, so don’t get down on yourself for not having all the answers right away.

You didn’t gain weight all at once, you won’t lose it all at once

Okay this one I needed to hear because this has been driving me nuts. I gained FIFTY pounds when I was pregnant with Max. I knew that was a lot, but being pregnant and sick most of the time, plus being quarantined where my kitchen is very close to my living room couch, it was just a recipe for weight gain. I wasn’t super upset about it, I knew I would probably gain more than the recommended amount because I have such a sweet tooth. I have never been thin, which I’m okay with. But being heavier than I’m used to lately, I’ve put such a burden on myself to lose the baby weight fast. I have already lost about 35 pounds, but these last 15 pounds are just hanging around.

I was complaining about it to my mother in law and she said “Sam, Max isn’t even three months old yet!!” When she said that I kind of realized that it took me ten months to put that weight on, it’s not going to come off in two weeks, or even two months. And that’s okay. I’m healthy, Max is healthy and that’s truly all that matters. So cut yourself some slack! We are all beautiful, and your mama body may be different but it’s beautiful too.

A fed baby is best

When I was pregnant I told everyone I didn’t care if I breastfed or not, I really didn’t have my heart set on anything. I have seen women go crazy over breastfeeding, totally disappointed if it didn’t work out so I didn’t want to stress myself out like that. If we did okay at nursing and it was easy for us, then I’d breastfeed and if not then I’d formula feed.

Flash forward to Max’s heart issues and his pediatrician saying that breastfeeding is healthiest, and me being a little neurotic about his health after all we’ve been through, I turned into one of the moms trying everything I can think of to keep breastfeeding. It hasn’t totally been working out though, because he has an allergy that we are really struggling with and we can’t find exactly what he’s allergic to. My sister-in-law and I were talking about it and she said that a fed baby is best, meaning no matter what they’re eating if they’re fed, that’s the best thing. I reached out to Max’s GI doctor right after that to see what type of formula to put him on.

If you’re struggling with breastfeeding, give yourself permission to try formula. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom, or that there is anything wrong with your body beacause your baby needs to try something else. As long as your baby is healthy, growing, and you’re doing the best that you can, you are a great mom!

No one will notice if your house isn’t clean

I haaaaaaated when people would say this to me when I was pregnant. So many people said to just let the house be messy, no one will mind if you have a few dust bunnies around, just spend as much time with your baby as you can. I was convinced that I wouldn’t listen to their advice because I knew I could juggle it all, I’d just vacuum when Max was napping! But they were right, and that advice was really needed for a neat freak like me to give myself permission to just relax. When Max sleeps sometimes I clean, but sometimes I eat, or nap, or watch Netflix, or write blog posts. I promise that anyone that’s coming over isn’t looking at how much dust is on your table, they’re just wanting to love on your cute baby!

No baby goes to high school with their pacifier in their mouth

Or not being able to hold up their head or sleeping in a bassinet and not in their crib, or in diapers, or needing to be held all the time, etc. These wise words come from a close friend of mine who I was telling that Max doesn’t really like tummy time. I was concerned that he wouldn’t be able to hold up his head like he’s supposed to be doing because he screams any time I put him on his stomach, or he just goes to sleep. My friend, who has two grown kids of her own, told me that when her oldest was a baby his pediatrician told her that no one goes to high school not being able to ___________ (insert whatever you’re worried about). After she told me that, I felt my shoulders drop a little bit and I realized that I was stressing over nothing. Max can hold up his head just fine despite hating tummy time, and my worries were just stressing me out.

With everything going on right now, give yourself permission to just be in the moment, and relax as much as you can. The cleaning can wait, the holidays will be fun no matter when you get the wrapping done, and you’re a good mom no matter if your baby hates tummy time or not. Take the time these next few weeks to try to cut yourself some slack. I know that’s what I’m going to do!